dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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