The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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