btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
