my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize