your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
