So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
