Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
