I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
