i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
