I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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