Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
