She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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