Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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