I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
