As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
