this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize