Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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