so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
