You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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