K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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