I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
