she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
