Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
