I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
