Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's get the cat blown out
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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