I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
