I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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