I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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