Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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