how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
