well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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