I've blown a few things in my day
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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