i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
