I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
