after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
