She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
