He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
