One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
being pregnant is like rehab
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize