well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
