just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
