Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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