Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
