It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Be still, my beating vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
