why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize