remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
