We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
