At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I could fuck to npr.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
