I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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