Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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