i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
