you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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