but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
