We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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