We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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