Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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