if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
