after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize