You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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