Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
