I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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