I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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