I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
