I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
