I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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