Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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