you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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