Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
