Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
