I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
