I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize