I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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