She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
