Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize