Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
