dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
