I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
