i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
