Need sex. Gaining weight.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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