her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
