Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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