Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
