You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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