quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
