after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
