pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
